Homesick and Happy – A Book Preview

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As an avid and unapologetic reader of novels, I very rarely get excited about the publication of a non-fiction book. (Compared, for example, to the thrill I feel whenever I think about the May 8th release of John Irving’s next novel!) Yet, here I am, devoting this blog post to a parenting book coming out on May 1st.

Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow is the newest work by Michael Thompson, author of (amongst others) Raising Cain and Best Friends, Worst Enemies – Understanding the Social Lives of Children. If you’ve read his books, or been lucky enough to hear him speak, you know that Dr. Thompson really understands child development and that he shares the results of his research with humor, compassion and warmth. In a recent issue of the American Camp Association magazine, he described his approach to writing Homesick and Happy. Rather than criticize overprotective parents, he empathizes with every parent who wants what’s best for his/her child … and makes the case for going away to sleepaway camp as a critical step in a child’s social and emotional development.

Here is Amazon’s description of the book:

In an age when it’s the rare child who walks to school on his own, the thought of sending your “little ones” off to sleep-away camp can be overwhelming—for you and for them. But parents’ first instinct—to shelter their offspring above all else—is actually depriving kids of the major developmental milestones that occur through letting them go—and watching them come back transformed.

In Homesick and Happy, renowned child psychologist Michael Thompson, PhD, shares a strong argument for, and a vital guide to, this brief loosening of ties. A great champion of summer camp, he explains how camp ushers your children into a thrilling world offering an environment that most of us at home cannot: an electronics-free zone, a multigenerational community, meaningful daily rituals like group meals and cabin clean-up, and a place where time simply slows down. In the buggy woods, icy swims, campfire sing-alongs, and daring adventures, children have emotionally significant and character-building experiences; they often grow in ways that surprise even themselves; they make lifelong memories and cherished friends. Thompson shows how children who are away from their parents can be both homesick and happy, scared and successful, anxious and exuberant. When kids go to camp—for a week, a month, or the whole summer—they can experience some of the greatest maturation of their lives, and return more independent, strong, and healthy.

At Camp Akeela, we talk to campers all the time about how it’s okay to feel both homesick (sad about missing their parents, siblings, pets, house, bed, foods, etc.) AND happy (glad to be making new friends, having new experiences, feeling confident and valued, etc.) at the same time. As Dr. Thompson seems to understand, we have very similar conversations with the campers’ parents! Every parent who sends their child into our care makes a decision to tolerate their own anxiety in exchange for the unique and life-changing benefits that camp has to offer.

— Eric

We Love What We Do!

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People often ask us why we do what we do. They wonder why we’ve chosen to spend our summers with kids on the spectrum. They can’t imagine how we find the energy or the patience, … nor a full staff of young adults who want to accept the challenge with us. We can’t understand why anyone would NOT want to do it! We have the best job in the world. Do we have tough moments? Sure. Don’t we all? That’s what makes all of the other moments at camp that much more thrilling.

When we started Akeela in 2008, people wondered how a community made entirely of “quirky” kids would work. If the campers all struggle with social skills, how could we expect them to live in close quarters and get along? We knew that our campers would not only do okay, but would truly thrive if we established the right environment. Four years later, we feel pretty great about that environment. Our campers tell us that they feel more at ease at Akeela – that they don’t have to work as hard to fit in because everyone at camp really “gets” them. They can relax and be themselves and, as a result, they have an easier time making connections. For the first time in their lives, they feel as though they are in a world made for them, not one in which they constantly have to battle to be understood. For three and a half weeks, they experience true happiness … and so do we!

We’ve had the great pleasure of watching hundreds of amazing children grow up before our eyes. One such child is Aaron, whom we met in early 2008. We sat at his dining room table with him and his parents and talked about what camp might be like for him. It was clear that Aaron was both excited and nervous. He was sweet and smart and funny. But he was also a whirlwind of energy; he walked in circles around the room, eating fruit and rocking on his heels. At camp that summer, he was well-liked and a willing participant in all activities, but was quiet and often “in his own world”. He frequently paced at meals and we regularly found him on his own at the salad bar. At the end of the session, we didn’t know what, if any, impact camp had on his life.

Shortly after the summer was over, we heard from Aaron’s mom that both family and teachers were amazed at the social strides he’d made. The following summer, when Aaron got off the bus at camp, we almost didn’t recognize him. He’d grown a few inches and seemed more comfortable. He looked us in the eye and smiled when he greeted us. He seemed thrilled to be back at camp. We ran into him less at the salad bar and he was much more engaged with his peers. He left that summer talking about the great friends he’d made.

The summer of 2010 was even better and 2011 better still. Aaron had found a second home at Akeela. We feel deeply connected to Aaron and his family and feel immensely lucky to be a part of his life. He recently shared with us a letter he wrote to his camp counselors. It was the most well-written, heart-felt letters we’ve ever read. People wonder if our campers have the ability to connect with others … if they really care about each other. As we read Aaron’s letter, we were overwhelmed with his ability to articulate his admiration, respect and gratitude for these young men with whom he lived for a few weeks.

Knowing that we played even the slightest role in Aaron’s growth and development as a person brings us great pride and fulfillment. Aaron is one of many children who have helped us grow. We owe them all a letter of appreciation for allowing us to call this our job. Maybe Aaron will help us write that letter.

— Debbie and Eric

Asperger's and Romance

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Many of you probably saw this article on the front page of last Monday’s New York Times. It’s great to see any story about Asperger’s getting such prominent real estate in “The Gray Lady”. This one in particular brings attention to a important topic: young adults with Asperger’s (or NLD or any others on the “high-functioning” end of the autism spectrum) navigating romantic relationships.

So much of what we do at Camp Akeela is to help our campers develop and practice appropriate social skills. For many of our kids, Akeela is the one place in their lives where they feel truly accepted by their peers, which allows them to form uniquely meaningful friendships and connections to others. When we first started the camp in 2008, our oldest campers were 16 years old – completing 9th grade. The following summer, we had so much demand for teenagers that we expanded the program to include boys and girls finishing 10th grade. We’ve found that camp has taken on even more significance in the lives of our campers as they move through adolescence and the world gets even more complicated socially.

It quickly became evident to us that we could do even more to help prepare these amazing kids for adulthood. Towards that end, we started a new program last summer, called Beyond Akeela. It’s for boys and girls finishing 11th and 12th grades and is essentially a hybrid of a traditional camp CIT program and a life-skills training experience. We had 18 participants in Beyond Akeela’s inaugural summer and it was a huge success. In addition to having an amazing summer at camp, they also came away with concrete skills and experience in the areas of job readiness, managing money, cooking & nutrition, college options and appropriate peer relationships. They toured colleges, attended cooking and banking classes, volunteered in a variety of community service efforts, organized and led in-camp activities, discussed relationships and sexuality, went shopping and did their own laundry, challenged themselves on outdoor adventure trips, and much more. The program culminated in a 4-day trip on which they put all their newfound skills to work while living independently (with staff supervision!) in condominiums.

Overall, it was a huge success and a program we look forward to offering for many years to come. Reading the New York Times article last week allowed us to reflect on and be thankful for the role we may play in helping a very deserving group of people find what we all seek in life: loving, fulfilling and reciprocal relationships with people who value and respect us.

— Eric

Sleep for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

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In addition to being the camp director of Camp Akeela and having a doctorate in clinical psychology, I’m also training to become a certified sleep consultant!  I’ve been thinking a great deal about children and sleep and have found it interesting to focus on children on the Autism spectrum, specifically those with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS).

It is estimated that between 40% and 80% of all children on the spectrum suffer from sleep problems (falling asleep, staying asleep and early waking).  Scientists are unsure exactly what causes such a high incidence of sleep challenges for kids on the Autism spectrum but we believe that a big part of the issues stem from struggles with integrating our often over-stimulating world.

Our observations from Camp Akeela, where most of our campers have a diagnosis of AS or NLD, are that kids on the spectrum have to work really hard all the time to maintain a level of “homeostasis” or feeling good.  We often say that it’s as if our campers have to walk around the world on a daily basis performing their every-day tasks while simultaneously doing long division in their heads.  Living in a “neuro-typical” world is hard work.  In order for them to be at their best, we have found that our campers need to be well-rested.

Here are a few of our suggestions:

  • Like all children, those with AS need to exercise daily to stay healthy.  In order to do this and get to sleep at a reasonable hour, kids should try to exercise at least 2-4 hours before trying to get to sleep.
  • Children with AS most likely require an extended amount of time to calm down and become sleepy.  At least 30 to 45 minutes should be put aside in the child’s daily schedule to allow for this…which means that homework may need to get done earlier or saved for the morning.
  • Research shows that dim lights while getting ready for bed create an increase in melatonin (the “sleepy hormone” in our bodies).  A  light dimmer in the child’s room might be well-worth the investment.
  • Children on the spectrum need a great deal of predictability in their lives…bedtime routines are no exception.  Children benefit from a “sleep rules” or “sleep schedule” chart in their room that is age appropriate and should include the evening schedule from showering/taking a bath, to dimming lights to putting on PJs to reading to turning off the light and going to sleep.
  • Children on the spectrum often struggle with sensory integration.  Many of our campers have found the use of weighted blankets to be helpful. Others have preferred to sleep on the floor rather than a “squishy” mattress.

Although it feels counter-intuitive, many kids who are having trouble falling or staying asleep at night are often over-tired and require an earlier bedtime.  It is not unheard of to have school-aged children on the spectrum in bed with the lights off between 7:30 and 8pm.

If you’re looking for a great general resource on sleep for babies and young children, check out: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child.

— Debbie

Welcome to our blog!

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We’re so excited to share this blog with you.  We will mostly be writing about what we know best: Asperger’s (and NLD, PDD-NOS, …) and summer camp.  But we’ll also share our thoughts about general child development and parenting, along with specific news from Camp Akeela and whatever else catches our interest in the world!